Be Better, Not Bitter

Have you ever heard about a woman who was hurt by one man and now holds all men accountable for the mistakes of that one? Worse than that, have you heard the outbursts and tirades of such a woman as a result of holding onto the hurt, and numerous disappointments? Now that you have that visual in your mind, ask yourself: “could that be me”?

The emotional healing process begins with allowing yourself to feel the emotions that were exceptionally painful that you have either ignored, denied or remained stuck reliving. Those repressed emotions have become emotional baggage. When you constantly stack baggage into one area, walls have to be erected to keep it from spilling out.  What walls have you erected as a result of those hurts?

Examine those walls to become aware of any destructive patterns. What you do with that information is your choice, but know that your choice will affect the quality of your life and become the filter for the rest of your days.

The goal is to get in touch with who you really are underneath all the baggage and battle scars so you don’t repeat the mistakes, bad habits or patterns of your past. Freedom begins with accepting responsibility and you don’t need permission from anyone for that.

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• Emotional Baggage: Carrying the Weight into Adulthood (realmofthegoddess.wordpress.com)

Juggling life and finding balance

If I’m caring for others, who will care for me?

Many people face challenges that cause a shift in priorities when it comes to family, work and other interests. This is particularly true if you are the primary breadwinner in your household. How can you make better decisions to ensure that the bills are paid but your family is not neglected?

SITUATION

Desiree leans on the desk of Dara, the secretary. Dara looks up wondering what’s wrong. Desiree can’t help herself anymore. She has to talk to someone. It’s like word vomit; the words come spewing out so fast. When Desiree finally takes a breath, Dara is already on her feet reaching out to embrace her.  The comfort of physical touch has never been more welcome for Desiree. The moment passes and as she regains her composure, she thinks to herself “this chick needs a raise because she certainly doesn’t get paid enough to handle the multitasking of my emotional conundrum”.

As long as Desiree can continue to have stellar performance evaluations, she won’t let her fleeting emotions give her grief. With the surgery coming up soon, Desiree will make sure that everything work-related is complete and intact. Requesting a week off to care for Malik afterwards should give her some time to get herself together, too.

PROGRESS

Given her husband’s surgery and the care that is required, Desiree understands that her time off work will be necessary for his care, but also for her self-care.

ADVICE

How often do you take some down time just to care for you? Often as caregivers, it is easy to take the needed time to care for others, but you must remember to take time to find balance in your schedule, priorities and health. Caring for others requires a lot of physical exertion. You will need physical rest, but also mental rest and emotional encouragement.  Develop a strong support system before it’s needed so you don’t find yourself in a deficit. After all, you cannot care for anyone else when you are not at your personal best.

Read more about Desiree and Malik in Their Darkest Hour now available in e-book format.

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• Their Darkest Hour – an excerpt (elderwiggins.wordpress.com)

Their Darkest Hour promotion winner: Latiesha Hollingworth

Congratulations to the winner of the Valentine’s promotion for the novel, Their Darkest Hour

Valentine promo winner for Their Darkest Hour

In the novel, Desiree is a woman who is struggling to maintain her sanity as she deals with a husband who is growing more distant by the day. Latiesha Hollingworth responded to the prompt: What are some ways to reignite the flame in a relationship?

Her winning response: Desiree should buy herself a nice red,lacy, lingerie piece, to tease her husband visually. She should have a hot bubble bath ready scented with Axe Black Chocolate Temptation Shower/Bath Gel. Desiree should then proceed to give him a head to toe body massage, to help relieve his daily stress. Once he is relaxed, she should pour him a drink of his favorite liquor, while listening to his preferred music, she should then remind him of:

• why she accepted his proposal for marriage,
• why she has supported him,
• and most importantly why she loves him,

then she should lead him to the bedroom where she is prepared to come together with her husband all night.

Thank you, Latiesha for participating and for providing a response that is sure to stimulate all five senses!  Their Darkest Hour is now available in ebook format. Don’t forget to post a review.  Thanks in advance.

Dr. Wiggins to present at Wayne State University College of Education Poverty Conference

http://prognosis.med.wayne.edu/article/school-of-medicine-duo-to-present-at-wsu-college-of-education-conference-on-student-poverty

Meet Desiree from Their Darkest Hour

In the soon-to-be released novel, Their Darkest Hour, Desiree is a woman who is struggling to maintain her sanity as she deals with a husband who is growing more distant by the day. With Valentine’s Day approaching, what are some ways to reignite the flame in a relationship? Leave your comments below for a chance to win an exclusive “Their Darkest Hour” autographed t-shirt! The most creative and/or unique response will win…

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• Their Darkest Hour – an excerpt (elderwiggins.wordpress.com)

Their Darkest Hour – an excerpt

Thank you for being a faithful subscriber and follower of Dr. De’Andrea Wiggins. As promised, you are the first to catch a sneak peek at my debut novel, Their Darkest Hour.  Inspired by true events, Their Darkest Hour tells a story of disappointment, pain, temptation, and betrayal.  Emotional depravity and the lack of communication threatens to drive Malik and Desiree completely apart as he endures a long, hard recovery from a brain surgery that removed a benign tumor.  Rather than let Desiree support and nurture him through his healing process, Malik shuts her out, finding he is more frustrated than ever with Desiree…and with himself.  As temptations bombard them during their darkest hour, the couple will have to learn the importance of truth and wisdom as they travel this difficult path.

Below is an excerpt of the work that will be released on March 1, 2013 in e-book format. It will challenge the multiple social identities by which many women struggle within themselves.  It will raise awareness regarding the silent veil of domestic violence. Enjoy and help spread the word about what to expect in only six more weeks with the release of Dr. Wiggins’ debut novel, ”Their Darkest Hour”.

I look in the mirror in utter disbelief. Looking back at me was this woman who I no longer recognize.  She seems to be familiar – her hair auburn as if kissed by many suns, her eyes dark as coal but radiates love, yet everything else is disfigured.  One of those beautiful charcoal eyes is now swollen shut from the punches she endured to her face.  Her high cheekbones that resembled her mother’s were bruised and swollen.  Even her ears, once adorned with dazzling earrings, were now puffy like cauliflower. How could someone who declared their love before God and witnesses turn around and abuse the one he is charged to love as himself? There is no question that I would be unable to attend Othello, the play, that evening. Even with sunglasses, a wig and a scarf, there was no hiding the bruises.  My nasty little secret was out and this time I could no longer justify my husband’s behavior towards me. I find myself at the proverbial fork in the road and a decision has to be made. I have made mistakes like everyone else, but I’m a good person and I deserve better than an abusive husband regardless of the circumstances that caused him to act that way. In my head, I said that if he ever hit me again, I would leave and now I have to follow through. Forget the suggestion about seeing a professional. If Malik is content seething in his condition and chooses to drown in depression, he will not blame me any longer. No pretty flowers, mushy cards, or expensive jewelry can sway me. Here I am facing the harsh realization that if I do not get out now, his abuse will continue to get worse.  One day, I may not have bruises to mend or bones to heal. He will not have another chance to hurt me.

2012 in Review

English: Flagger symbol in construction zone. This is a standard road side construction sign. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In typical fashion, many bloggers choose to reflect on the current year as preparations are made for the year ahead. In retrospect, this year has been the most difficult year of my life. Every area of my existence has been under attack: physical, emotional, mental, and financial.  These struggles have truly tested my faith. In the end, the lessons learned are transforming me into a better person, a better mother, a better teacher and a better friend. I have ridden the waves on the roughest seas this year and through God’s unfailing love for me, I stand.

Physically, my body has been through a lot. Mysterious diagnoses, lengthy treatments and exhausting tests have been my portion. Though I still have unexplained aches and pains that make daily tasks such as walking difficult at times, I stand.

Emotionally, my heart has felt the spectrum from one end to the other. I never imagined that I would find myself divorced again. I have cried harder and laughed harder this year than ever before, yet I stand.

Mentally, my mind continues to come up with explanations and justifications, yet all that is important is stability. The trials could not destroy me; therefore, I stand.

Financially, I am ready to begin again. When you are at your lowest point, all you can do is look up and look ahead. I stand…ready to continue the process to my renewal in mind, body and spirit. I have no choice but to be ready for wherever God decides to take me next.

As you reflect on 2012, are you prepared for what may come?

Vision: What is it and why do we need it?

The Runner. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Many believers are familiar with the passage of scripture in Habakkuk 2:2, but I want to share with you the Contemporary English Version of that scripture.  It reads:

Then the Lord told me:
“I will give you my message
in the form of a vision.
Write it clearly enough
to be read at a glance.

Vision, therefore, is God’s message for your life.  That message is needed in all areas including personal relationships, finances, family and career. Vision is needed just like a GPS is needed when you are traveling to an unfamiliar destination. God is taking you somewhere that you have never been before, so you need his message, guidance and direction to navigate your way successfully.

Vision should be short enough to be remembered easily and BOLD enough not to be easily forgotten so you can “see” it as you hasten by.  You’re going to be moving pretty swiftly in this next season, so prepare yourself now. Write the vision and make it plain.

 

Yours Truly,

~Dr. Dee

Related articles

• Write the Vision (michellesmotivation.com)
• “Visioneering” (prayereverywhere.wordpress.com)
• Habakkuk 2:1-3 I Will Wait To See What The Lord Says (writedownthesewords.com)

Book Review: Greater by Steven Furtick

Greater is the second book that I have read by Steven Furtick.  I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect after his first book, Sun Stand Still, changed so many lives of people who I know. The short answer is, Steven Furtick has done it again.  There are many books on the market classified as inspirational or self-help, but Pastor Furtick of Elevation Church is truly passionate about helping people.  It comes across so well in his conversational style of writing.  What I love about his books is that the study guide is included in the back of the book.  Small groups won’t need to necessarily purchase a separate guide to get high-impact discussion around this topic.

This no-nonsense, give-it-to-them straight book gets right to the point of how to experience something greater, regardless of the area that you are expecting greater in.  In order to get greater, some tough decisions have to be made. There are no easy answers, but if you really want greater and are tired of experiencing lesser, you will make the decision to go after it followed by the actions to bring it to pass.  This starts with a clear understanding of the difference between good, greatness and greater.  (No spoiler here, you’ll have to read page 9 and 10 for that.)  Perhaps you already know these differences because you’ve been working this thing for many years.  Pastor Furtick addresses this as well in “The Makeup of Monotony”.  You can’t talk about greater without dealing with the reality that you sometimes get stuck in a rut. You’ve developed a rhythm for how things are to be, day in and day out without even realizing that you are in the incubator of complacency.  These and other topics are covered in an easy to read fashion that typifies Furtick’s writing.  Be sure to check this one out beginning September 4, 2012.

A complimentary advance copy of this book was provided for review purposes by Multnomah Publishing. I was not required to post a positive review and the views expressed in this review are my own.

Where Will You Go From Here by Valorie Burton

As a book reviewer, I pride myself on providing timely information, but quite honestly, this was a difficult task with this book.  Valorie Burton does an excellent job providing a template for getting and keeping your life on track after life throws you a curve ball.  When I received the copy of “Where Will You Go From Here”, my schedule did not permit me to read it immediately, but I have been able to process the book during the most difficult season of my personal life.

This book is filled with compassion and transparency from someone who’s been there and understands.  Ms. Burton captures the essence of an author who speaks to her readers with a literary voice that is warm, yet firm and guiding.  It is a book, study guide and testimonial, all-in-one.  Filled with tools that are easy to follow, readers can expect to find strategies and principles that are more than helpful, regardless of the situation that presents itself in your life. I’m not easily impressed; however, this book tops my list for personal growth recommendations.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group. A positive review is not required and the opinions expressed are my own.